Monday Security Memo

Intellectual Firepower for Professionals

The Spotlight Effect

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Dear A,

Ever walked into a room convinced that everyone noticed your mismatched socks, or spilled food on your shirt at a party and thought the stain was the evening’s main event?  That’s the Spotlight Effect at work.  It's our tendency to overestimate how much others notice and evaluate our actions, appearance, or behavior.

Psychologists call this the illusion of transparency.  It feels as though a giant spotlight is shining on us 24/7, exposing our every move.   But the reality is, most people are so preoccupied with their own problems that they rarely give more than a passing glance before returning to their own mental to-do list.

Why does this happen?  Much of it stems from egocentric bias, or our natural tendency to view the world only from our perspectiv...

Monday Security Memo

Intellectual Firepower for Professionals

Time to Get a Bigger Frying Pan

“Blame no one. Expect nothing. DO SOMETHING!”

- Bill Parcells

Dear A,

Nick Saban tells a story about a man who went fishing and kept tossing back the biggest catches. When asked why, the man replied, “My frying pan at home is only nine inches wide.”

It sounds absurd - but most people live exactly like that. They don’t expand their capacity. They don’t grow their mindset. They settle for what “fits” inside the limits of their excuses.

The truth is, too many people don’t know how to win. The moment life gets tough, instead of rising to the occasion, they fold like an old lawn chair. They’re deathly afraid of competition, pressure, and accountability. When the spotlight is on them, they don’t embrace the opportunity - they hide from it. They bury their heads in the sand like ostriches, hoping the pressure will pass.

Rather than being the adult in the room, they ...

Dear A,

It's been a whirlwind of a week... how is it already Friday? The funny thing about about entrepreneurship is that nobody every says, "T.G.I.F." when you own a business. It's just another day that ends in "y".

Here's what I'm following this week... 

AUDIOBOOK I'M LISTENING TO...

The Challenger Sale by Matthew Dixon and Brett Adamson. I have a simple philosophy when it comes to business: if you can't sell, you can't eat. I am always amazed at the number of people who claim they want to start a business, but absolutely hate the idea of selling their product, service, or, most importantly, themselves to a stranger. A "Challenger" sale essentially means challenging a prospective customer's idea of how something has been done before. It's about educating them, as well as offering them a new way of thinking about their problems.

BOOK I'M READING...

The Art of Thinking in Graphs by Delov Erez. I am a highly visual person. Therefore, I enjoy learning through charts and...

Monday Security Memo

Intellectual Firepower for Professionals

If Nick Saban Ran Your Company

“You don’t win because you do extraordinary things on game day - you win because you did ordinary things with extraordinary discipline every day before it.” — Nick Saban

Dear A,

If Nick Saban walked into your office tomorrow, would he be impressed - or would he cut half your team?

Championship coaches don’t care about excuses, market conditions, or what the competition is doing this quarter. They care about standards. They care about building a culture where everyone - from the star quarterback to the equipment manage - executes with precision every single day.

The scoreboard? That’s just the byproduct. The real work happens long before kickoff - in the preparation, the discipline, and the relentless pursuit of excellence.

Legendary San Francisco 49ers coach Bill Walsh famously said, “The score takes care of itself.” He meant that if you commit to a system of exce...

Dear A,

The CARVER Washington DC course is open for registration. You can find details below.

Here's what I'm following this week...

AUDIOBOOK I'M LISTENING TO...

Marinovich: Outside the Lines in Football, Art, and Addiction. Anyone who followed football in the late ’80s and early ’90s remembers the saga of Todd Marinovich. Hyped as “Robo QB” by Sports Illustrated, the All-American high school quarterback was meticulously groomed by his father, Marv Marinovich - a former NFL player turned strength and conditioning coach for the Oakland Raiders.

From the start, Todd’s upbringing was anything but typical. He endured an over-disciplined and often dysfunctional childhood, subjected to advanced training regimens overseen by a revolving door of specialists: strength coaches, vision coaches, throwing coaches, dietitians, and sports psychologists. Legend has it he never tasted a Big Mac, Coke, or Oreo as a kid. His father even recruited NFL offensive coordinators to teach To...

 Monday Security Memo

Intellectual Firepower for Professionals

The CIA's "Alice in Wonderland Technique" Explained

“The aim of the Alice in Wonderland, or confusion, technique is to confound the expectations and conditioned reactions of the interrogatee... Now he is likely to make significant admissions, or even to pour out his story, just to stop the flow of babble which assails him.”

- KUBARK Counterintelligence Interrogation Manual

Dear A,

In the 1950s, L. Ron Hubbard - founder of Scientology - coined the "Alice in Wonderland Technique," a psychological ploy using contradictory statements, abrupt topic shifts, and disorienting nonsense. The goal? To fracture your sense of reality so completely that you’d grasp at any coherent cue, usually delivered by the person doing the confusing. It’s like throwing someone down a mental rabbit hole until they cling to any hand reaching out.

This very concept didn’t stay confined to fringe teachings. The CIA formalized i...

Dear A,

We're currently planning a big CARVER course in the Washington DC area in October. More details to follow.

Here's what I'm following this week...

BLINK I'M LISTENING TO...

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin. This was a cool little blink that popped up on my Blinkist App. The solid advice about what mentally strong people don't do includes:

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

STUDY I'M READING...

Implementation Intentions and Goal Ach...

Monday Security Memo

Intellectual Firepower for Professionals

How to Think Fast When the Room Goes Silent

“The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how high you raise your foot.”

– Benny Lewis

Dear A,

The room is thick with tension. A group of executives sit around the table. Everyone’s dressed like they already closed the deal—except they haven’t. All eyes are on Don Draper.

It’s the pilot episode of Mad Men, and the stakes couldn’t be higher. Lucky Strike, one of the agency’s biggest clients, is about to walk unless Don can deliver a winning ad campaign. The meeting begins, and when it’s finally Don’s turn to speak… he says nothing.

He’s frozen. Mind blank. The legendary ad man, the silver-tongued closer, has nothing. The silence is unbearable. The client shifts. The boss looks worried. The junior execs can’t even make eye contact. It feels like the end—because we’ve all been there. That moment when you’re supposed to have the answer...

Dear A,

It's been a crazy week. I have so many projects going on at the same time, it's been difficult to keep them all straight.

Here's what I'm following this week...

BOOK I'M READING...

Built to Sell by John Warrillow. This is a modern classic that I have read at least twice before. It serves as a great reminder for what I need to do to make my business more valuable in the eyes of others. It's one of those concepts that is simple to understand but difficult to implement.

IDEA I'M PROCESSING...

I stumbled upon this anonymous idea, which I think is outstanding:

• Laziness kills ambition;
• Anger kills wisdom;
• Fear kills dreams;
• Jealously kills peace;
• Doubt kills confidence.

NOW READ IT AGAIN FROM RIGHT TO LEFT.

VIDEO I'M WATCHING...

Supernatural Pickpocketing Skills with Apollo Robbins. Robbins is one of the best pick-pocket/sleight of hand magicians out there. This is a great example of how easily misdirection can be employed to distract unsuspecting victims.

WORK...

Dear A,

I can't believe it's already August 1st. It's been a hot summer down here in Florida and I'm honestly looking forward to some cooler months ahead.

Stuck inside with the AC set at 72, here’s what’s been on my mind this week...

REPORT I'M READING...

AI 2027 by Daniel Kokotajlo, Scott Alexander, Thomas Larsen, Eli Lifland, Romeo Dean. So, this report was brought to my attention the other day. After reading about "superhuman AI" or "Agent-4", I'm convinced that business as we have known it for the past 25 years will be radically disrupted in just the next 3-5. If you are not up-to-speed on the AI Revolution, you will be left behind. Read this is you are business person who doesn't want to become obsolete (NOTE - I was never a "techie" but I recognize the concept of adapt or die).

BOOK I'M WRITING...

CARVER Leadership: Lessons from the Board Room, War Room, and Locker Room. My colleague, former undercover mob-buster turned NBA referee, Bob Delaney, and I have been working on...